Naruto Bloopers
by eldritchbob
Summary: A collection of short titbits that have never, do not, and will never appear in the manga.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I've seen a couple of blooper things for other catagories, so I thought that I would have a go at doing one myself.  
So here is a collection of scenarios that have never, and will never, appear in the actual manga. (Since I don't actually watch the anime, they might have appeared there.)**

**Kitchen time**

Itachi walked into the kitchen where all the Akatsuki ate their meals, after having been called away from his own food by the leader wanting to talk with him. He noticed that Kisame was eating a thick stew, in a red bowl. "Kisame." Itachi's blue partner turned and looked at Itachi.

"Yeah?"

"…Is that my dinner you're eating?" Itachi questioned, his face seemingly void of all emotions. Kisame chuckled nervously.

"Err…yeah. Sorry, but I was really hungry, and it smelt good. What is it anyway, 'cause it's really tasty!" Kisame exclaimed. Itachi watched as Kisame took a large mouthful of the stew before speaking.

"...Shark fin stew." Kisame turned an interesting colour, looked at Itachi, at the dish in front of him, and then fled the table to throw up.

To this day, Kisame hasn't eaten anything prepared by Itachi.

**SUPER!**

"Some citizens in Konoha looked up at the sky, and saw something flying away from the Hokage tower.

"It's a bird"

"It's a Kunai"

"It's..." The flying thing stopped over the hot springs for a moment, giggled pervertedly, and carried on flying. "It's a super pervert." The citizen deadpanned.

Tsunade made a mental note to work on her aim later.

**Stress relief**

No-one knew that the reason Iruka-sensei managed to stay so calm while teaching Naruto through the academy years, was a little orange book that he kept hidden in his desk.

**Contest**

That makes another win for me Gai." Kakashi said, giving his 'rival' his famous eyesmile.

"But...But...I don't understand..." Gai sat in shock, looking at his eternal rival. "How did you manage to eat six bowls of ramen...Without taking your mask off?

**Position**

"Your hatred is weak little brother." Itachi stated, activating his sharingan.

"Err...Itachi? He's standing behind you." Kisame pointed out.

**Rocky Horror**

"Who are you?" Sasuke demanded angrily. The strange grass kunoichi chuckled.

"Kukuku...Who am I dear Sasuke? That's easy." Sasuke got himself ready for any attack, as the ninja started walking towards him.  
"I'm just a..." The ninja grabber her outfit and ripped it off, her skin coming with it, revealing Orochimaru wearing fishnet stockings, high heels, and a strange corset thing. "Sweet transvestite!"

Sasuke fled with a speed that put the Fourth Hokage's Hirashin to shame.

**AN: Aand Cut! that's all from this edition of Naruto bloopers.  
Remember, I don't own Naruto.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: WAHAHAAAAA! It's back! Part two of teh bloopers! ENJOY!**

**Revealed secrets**

"You Hyuga's are all perverts!" Kiba yelled at Neji after he had explained how the byakugan worked.

"What makes you say that Kiba-san?" Neji asked, keeping his temper in place.

"You're byakugan can see through walls and peoples clothes, That's what!" Naruto jumped up

"No way, Hinata would ever do that to some-one, Right Hinata?" He turned to face the Hyūga heiress.

Hinata suddenly blushing furiously when Naruto turned around.

"HINATA" Naruto yelled, shocked as he 'covered' himself with his hands.

"...the Byakugan can also see through people." Neji murmured, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

Naruto squawked, and hid himself behind Kiba's large dog, Akamaru, as Hinata continued to blush.

**Ramen office?**

It was a little known fact to anyone outside of the ANBU, that for the first three months after returning as Hokage, Sarutobi was constantly throwing out bowls of ingeniously hidden ramen.

**Training accidents**

After a rather embarrassing accident during a spar with Hinata, Neji had one thing thoughrally beaten into his skull by his normally timid cousin.

The 8 trigrams 64 palm, is not a groping technique.

**Pervy thoughts**

Kakashi watched as Hinata blushed yet again when Naruto walked towards her. An idea popped into his head, and he decided to act on it. He walked up to her, and whispered into her ear "Page 24, paragraph three."

Hinata eeped, blushed even harder, and had to stem the flow of blood from her nose.

Kakashi nodded in approval, and slipped something into her pocket before walking off.

Hinata quickly pulled the thing out, and read what it said.

"Perverts unite. A meeting group for the perverts of Konoha. Established by the third hokage and Jiriya."

**Sushi massacre**

Kisame swore never to go near the Akimichi's after he saw their annual 'sushi eating contest'. To this day he holds them responsible for Great Aunt Doris's death.

**Downsides**

The first time Neji used his Byakugan in a spar with Gai-sensei, he was thankful that the taijutsu expert knocked him out. Now he makes sure never to look below the belt line.

**Concerning occurrences**

Various ninja throughout Oto were always a bit concerned about the mental state of their Lord Orochimaru.

This concern was only increased when he took in five children, who were hardly ever seen again.

The concern sky rocketed when the red haired girl was heard referring to their lord as "Orochi-pedo".

**AN:and once again, we reach the end. I'm sorry that there isn't much content to some of these, but not all of the ideas need alot of writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hello and Welcome to the third edition of the bloopers! Please, read at your lesure, and ENJOY!**

**Still doing research**

Naruto, Kiba, Shikamaru, and Choji all lay watching the clouds, and pointing out various shapes they saw.

So far, they had seen a bone, a kunai, a duck, and a cake.

Naruto scanned the sky, and spotted a very strange cloud formation.

A large cloud that seemed to have a cloud ponytail, and dark patches on its "Face"

And a large telescope like cloud pointing at the hotsprings.

"That one's a Pervy sage" Naruto deadpanned

**Concerned teacher**

"What do you want with Sasuke, Orochimaru?" Kakashi demanded, standing in front of his students unconscious form protectively.

"I want his body."

Kakashi stared at the snake sannin for a moment, before nudging Sasuke's body backwards.

"I thought you had Kabuto for that." Kakashi shuddered at the mere thought.

"What?" Orochimaru cocked his head in confusion.

"I mean, it's alright if you swing that way...but to leave Kabuto for someone so much younger? That's just wrong. Especially since Sasuke is still a child"

Orochimaru stared at Kakashi for a moment.

"No, that's what I wanted Itachi's body for...I just want Sasuke's body to obtain the sharingan."

**Reasons**

The Akatsuki kicked Orochimaru out, but not because of the reason everybody else thought.

It's true that attacking Itachi was a contributing factor, but it was the pictures that he kept hidden in his room that sealed his fate.

Zetsu had found them one day while doing a routine sweep of the base.

Needless to say, the male Akatsuki members were not happy about Orochimaru possessing pictures of them in various states of undress.

After Orochimaru was gone, Konan found another reason to be angry.

Her favourite dress had gone missing with him.

**First meeting**

Tayuya, Jirobo, Kidomaru, Sakon (and his brother Ukon), and Kimmimaru all stood in a chamber, awaiting the person that would be training them now they were all a part of the sound village. They heard a door opening and closing in the darkness before them, and footsteps walking towards them. The shape of an adult appeared, getting closer and closer, until they saw the face of a pale skinned man with long black hair emerge from the shadows.

"Hello children." The man said, licking his lips with an abnormally long tongue.

The five new genin felt a chill run straight down their spines.

**"Good boy"**

Tobi always tried to be a good boy. As a result, the other Akatsuki tended not to tell him things that may break his innocence.

So when he saw Pain-sama whistling a cheerful tune while covered in papercuts, and Konan-chan with red tinges on her face, hands, and clothes, Hidan just told him that Pain had been helping Konan do some "Paper-Work on her desk".

**bandages**

"Zabuza-sama, why do you wear those bandages around your face?" Haku asked innocently. Zabuza looked at his student and smirked.

"It's because I keep cutting myself when I'm shaving." He answered.

Haku didn't understand what Zabuza had meant, until he walked in on his sensei one morning, Shaving his face with his giant sword.

**"Tobi?"**

The Great war was finally over. Naruto was leading a squad through the now empty Akatsuki base. They had almost finished, after searching through each room separately (Hidan and Sasori's rooms had been the creepiest) and were about to leave, when they heard a banging noise coming from a cupboard. Naruto snuck up to the door, and flung it open. The team (consisting of Team Kakashi, Team Asuma, and Team Kurenai) froze in shock at the sight of a man with black spiky hair, an Akatsuki coat, and an orange mask, tied up in a broom cupboard, making muffled noises through the cloth strip going across his mask, roughly where his mouth would be. Naruto untied the man and pulled the gag down carefully, and was knocked over when the masked figure glomped him.

"Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! Madara hit Tobi, and stole Tobi's spare masks, and then tied Tobi up in this creepy cupboard…It's worse than the time Tobi got locked in Hidan's room!" The masked man started to cry, creating a rather comic looking scene, as a member of one of the most feared criminal group clutched to said group's worst enemy, with tears running from the eye hole in his mask. "Tobi didn't do anything wrong, Tobi is a good boy!"

Kakashi sighed, and took out his Itcha Itcha book. It was going to be a loooong trip home, he just knew it.

**Loss**

Orochimaru sat in his office, waiting for the sound four to return with Sasuke. One by one, he felt their cursemarks vanish from his consciousness. He started to get worried after the first, the worry growing after the second and third, and started praying after the fourth. When a fifth curse-mark vanished, he prayed harder. After a few hours, a sound ninja entered the room, and informed the Otokage that Sasuke Uchiha had arrived in the village, but the sound five had all died. Orochimaru quietly ordered the man to leave. When Kabuto went to check up on the snake sannin, he could hear the sounds of sobbing through the door.

**AN: As you can see from the last bloober in this entry...not all of these will be an atempt at comedy. Most will, but some won't.**


End file.
